There was a man named Big John, and Big John knew EVERYONE in the whole world!
Once when Big John got a new job, Big John says to his new boss, “Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!” His boss doesn’t believe him, so he says “No you do not know everyone in the whole world” but Big John says “Yes I do!” so Big John’s boss says “Well prove it!” then Big John says “Pick someone… and I know them!”
Well Big John’s boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. “Tom Selleck! I bet you don’t know Tom Selleck!” Big John says “Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!” but Big John’s boss says “No you weren’t!” then Big John says “Yes we were!” so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck’s house. Big John knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Big John goes “Tom!!!” and Tom goes “Big John!” and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Big John’s boss can’t believe it.
But then he thinks “Well that could happen, it’s just one person,” so he tells Big John and Big John says “OK, pick somebody else!” This time Big John’s boss has someone in mind! “The president, George Bush! You don’t know President George Bush!” but Big John says “Oh yes I do! George and I were on the debate team together in college!” Big John’s boss says “No you weren’t!” and Big John says “Yes we were!”
So they fly to Washington and they catch-up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Big John gets close enough to catch Bush’s eye and waves “George!” and the President waves “Big John!” and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Big John’s boss is stunned — he can’t believe it.
But then he thinks “Well that’s just two people in one country that doesn’t mean he knows everyone in the whole world!” so he tells Big John and Big John says “OK, pick someone out of the USA spectrum and I know them!” And Big John’s boss knows just who to pick, so he says “The Pope! You do not know the Pope!”
Big John says “The Pope? The Pope BAPTISED me!” and Big John’s boss says “No he didn’t!” and Big John says “Yes he did!” so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of people. They try working their way through the crowd — without much luck. So, Big John says “Boss, were never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what — I’ll work my way up to where the Pope is, and when I do, I’ll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!” and he leaves.
Well, Big John’s boss waits and waits and waits and just when he’s about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Big John! Shortly afterwards, Big John’s boss passes out.
Big John comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says “Boss! Boss! Wake up!” When his boss comes to, he asks: “Boss, what happened?”
Big John’s boss looks at Big John and says “OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see George Bush… heck, I can even believe the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks ‘Who’s that up there on the balcony with Big John?’ — that’s more than I can take!”
