Engineers

ENGINEERS – TAKE ONE
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. But to the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

ENGINEERS – TAKE TWO
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were playing golf together and found themselves waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers that were in front of them. The engineer fumed,

“What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. ‘Hi George! Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’ ”

The greens keeper replied,

“Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime they want.” There was silence for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

ENGINEERS – TAKE THREE
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

ENGINEERS – TAKE FOUR
Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. After all – just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it must have been an electrical engineer. Think about the nervous system, it has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last one said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

ENGINEERS – TAKE FIVE
“Normal people… believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.”

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